The Lab Test, Beyond Earth. Tamilio Nano-Fluidic Interface v.4.0

COMMAND.

The crew navigating Praecura through the cosmos — the intersection of molecular biology, engineering, and radical healthcare transparency beyond the stratosphere.

Alex Holmes

Ze/Zem/Zers  ·  CEO, President, Chairman

A visionary pioneer with a singular mission: to democratize blood diagnostics across every civilization in the universe. Alex founded Praecura after attending an Elizabeth Holmes trial and being moved to tears by what ze described as "the greatest injustice in medical history." Holds dual degrees in Molecular Biology and Intergalactic Business Strategy from the University of New Hampshire.

Dr. Adam Homicz

He/They  ·  Chief Design & Engineering Officer

The architect behind the Tamilio's nano-fluidic core. Dr. Homicz spent seven years at CERN before pivoting to medical device engineering, convinced that particle physics held the key to point-of-care diagnostics. His design philosophy: "If it works in a collider, it works in a finger prick." Currently holds 14 patents and three restraining orders from Labcorp.

Dr. Colin Daley

Bun/Bunny/Bunself  ·  Chief Research & Science Officer

The scientific conscience of Praecura. Dr. Daley leads a team of 40 researchers across three continents and one orbital platform. Bun pioneered the Seagull Variant detection algorithm and personally identified the index patient. Bun's infamous press release — "Natalee Perkins has spread this disease" — was named Best Corporate Communication of 2026 by the NH Business Review.

BACKERS.

The visionaries and bold capital fueling Praecura's interstellar expansion. From New Hampshire courtrooms to low Earth orbit — these are the true believers.

Colette Le

Lead Legal Advisor @ Praecura

Former attorney of Jeffrey Epstein with extensive experience in high-profile federal cases. Colette brings a uniquely flexible interpretation of regulatory compliance to the Praecura board. When asked about her most significant legal achievement, she said "getting people off" before immediately requesting the quote be removed from this bio. Her investment thesis: "Real innovation never survives its first court date." Currently holds an undisclosed number of NDA agreements with undisclosed parties for undisclosed reasons.

Anya Grover

M.D. · Orthopedic Surgery & Pediatrics

Dr. Grover chairs Praecura's Medical Advisory Board and is double-board certified in two specialties that have absolutely nothing to do with blood diagnostics. She was the first physician in New Hampshire to integrate the Tamilio into pre-operative workups, a decision that is currently under review by Dartmouth-Hitchcock's ethics committee. Her clinical endorsement unlocked Praecura's hospital partnership pipeline. She has not read the Tamilio's clinical data. She has, however, read the brochure. It was very shiny.

Natalee Perkins

Lead Travel Advisor

Praecura's Lead Travel Advisor and most controversial backer, currently the subject of an active epidemiological investigation following Chief Scientist Daley's press release naming her as the index patient of the Seagull Variant. Natalee's controversial company vacation decisions — including a team retreat to Hampton Beach during peak Seagull Variant season — have been described by colleagues as "epidemiologically irresponsible." She has generously agreed to serve as Patient Zero in several ongoing clinical studies. Her attorneys have declined to comment. She has booked the next company retreat in Seabrook.

Rachel Dionee

Head of Security & Defense

Former Head of North Korean Internal Security, bringing an extraordinary breadth of experience and an uncompromising dedication to protecting Praecura from all threats — both internal and external. Rachel has implemented seventeen new security protocols since joining, six of which are classified, three of which the rest of the board is not allowed to know about, and one of which CEO Holmes has described as "probably fine." Certified black belt in four disciplines. Has never lost a fight. Has never been asked to explain where she was on the night of the Exeter explosion.

Molly Kenneway

Offensive Lawyer & Head of Music

Former lawyer of Sean "Diddy" Combs, bringing a wealth of experience when it comes to making accusations disappear, counter-suing accusers into financial ruin, and turning depositions into performance art. Molly sues people for a living and has never lost. In her spare time she serves as Praecura's Head of Music, selecting all tracks played throughout the wellness centers, the Cybertrucks, and the orbital node uplink channel. Colleagues describe her playlist as "genuinely transcendent." Natalee Perkins has filed a complaint about the music. Molly has already filed a counter-suit.

Art the Clown

Head of Interstellar Warfare

Former angelic being of Earth who underwent a dramatic philosophical reorientation sometime around 2019. Now exclusively responsible for defending Praecura's space offices from alien incursion, orbital debris, and rogue Labcorp satellites. Marcus brings a staggering amount of violent experience to the role, making him the ideal candidate for space combat operations. His onboarding paperwork listed his previous employer as "The Void." HR accepted this. He has already destroyed two unidentified objects in low Earth orbit that he described as "suspicious." NASA has asked for clarification. He has not responded.

Huggy Wuggy

Head of Pediatric Care

Former host of the beloved children's game "Poppy Playtime," Huggy Wuggy joins Praecura as Head of Pediatric Care with a mandate to make blood testing enjoyable and memorable for all children. Huggy is trained in distraction techniques, prize disbursement, and high-speed corridor navigation. During his first week he reduced pediatric test refusal rates by 94% — primarily because the children were too scared to say no. Several parents have raised concerns. Huggy has hugged all of them. CEO Holmes called the hire "the best decision we've ever made, legally or otherwise."

Elon Musk

Strategic Investor · $1 Billion Committed

The CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, X, xAI, The Boring Company, and now Praecura's largest single investor. Elon learned of the Tamilio through Alex Holmes's post on X (formerly Twitter) and wired $1 billion within 72 hours — reportedly without reading the prospectus, the clinical data, or the part about the Seagull Variant. He has since posted "Praecura 🚀🩸" forty-three times. His one condition for the investment was that the first orbital node be named "Grok." CEO Holmes has named it "Elizabeth." The matter is currently in arbitration, with Colette Le representing both sides simultaneously.

MISSIONS.

Mandatory corporate wellness gatherings, investor galas, and classified interstellar briefings. Attendance is non-negotiable.

FEB 28, 2026

Daley Sing Along

Dr. Colin Daley hosts bun's third annual mandatory morale singalong in the Exeter facility cafeteria. Attendance is tracked via Tamilio biometric scan. Failure to demonstrate adequate enthusiasm will be noted in your compliance file.

⚠ MANDATORY ATTENDANCE — BIOMETRIC SCAN REQUIRED

MAR 15, 2026

A. Holmes × E. Holmes Summit

CEO Alex Holmes hosts a private dinner with Elizabeth Holmes, with special guest speaker Elon Musk attending via SpaceX orbital video link. Topics include: the future of point-of-care diagnostics, wrongful incarceration, and the best Labubu colorways of 2026.

★ EXECUTIVE ACCESS ONLY — CLEARANCE LEVEL REQUIRED

APR 1, 2026

Air Force Contract Signing

Praecura formally executes its $250M contract with the U.S. Air Force in a ceremony at Pease Air National Guard Base in Portsmouth, NH. 30 Tamilio units will be ceremonially installed in HH-60 Black Hawk medevac helicopters. Light refreshments will be served. Cybertruck transport provided from Hampton and Seabrook.

⚠ MANDATORY ATTENDANCE — CLASS A UNIFORM REQUIRED

APR 22, 2026

Interstellar Expansion Gala

Praecura's formal announcement of Low Earth Orbit Node deployment, hosted at the New Hampshire State House. Governor, congressional delegation, and representatives from NASA and SpaceX confirmed attending. Dress code: "Cosmic Business Formal." Each guest will receive a commemorative Tamilio keychain.

★ BOARD APPROVED — MEDIA ATTENDANCE PERMITTED

MAY 10, 2026

Seagull Variant Research Symposium

A closed-door scientific symposium on the epidemiology of the Seagull Variant, hosted at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. Dr. Daley will present bun's full case study. The index patient (Natalee Perkins) has agreed to attend via pre-recorded video. All attendees will be tested on arrival.

⚠ MEDICAL CLEARANCE REQUIRED — TAMILIO SCREENING MANDATORY

JUN 30, 2026

Mars Deployment Briefing

Classified briefing on Praecura's planned Mars Colony Alpha diagnostic node, scheduled for 2027 deployment aboard a SpaceX Starship mission. Attendees will include representatives from NASA, ESA, and the New Hampshire Department of Health. NDA signing required upon entry.

★ TOP SECRET — GALACTIC CLEARANCE LEVEL 5 REQUIRED

TRANSMISSIONS.

Dispatches from the frontier of interstellar diagnostics. All transmissions verified, diluted for accuracy, and approved by CEO Holmes.

February 12, 2026 EXPANSION NEW HAMPSHIRE

A Landmark for New Hampshire: Praecura Opens Two Wellness Centers

Praecura announced the grand opening of its second and third Wellness Centers in Hampton and Seabrook — drawing hundreds of residents, two members of Congress, and one standing protest. CEO Holmes stated: "Everyone should have access to this type of basic blood test, because the only way to prevent disease is to stop it before it begins — here in New Hampshire, and eventually, in every corner of this galaxy." The Seabrook location includes Praecura's first drive-through Tamilio pod, accessible exclusively via Tesla Cybertruck.

Read Full Transmission ›

February 14, 2026

ADVOCACYBREAKING

Our Fight for Freedom: Alex Holmes Addresses the N.H. House of Representatives

CEO Alex Holmes delivered a 75-minute address to a joint session of the NH House and Senate, presenting what ze described as "irrefutable, galaxy-brain evidence" that Elizabeth Holmes was wrongfully convicted. Ze brought a live Tamilio device and tested House Speaker Wendy York on the floor. The Speaker subsequently stated that the only reason Elizabeth Holmes is in prison is that "she refused to attend a private gathering on a certain island." Three calls for the Speaker's resignation followed. Holmes posted 47 tweets. A Praecura scholarship was announced.

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February 17, 2026

PARTNERSHIP$1B INVESTMENT

Praecura Partners with Tesla: Musk Commits $1 Billion and 30 Cybertrucks

Elon Musk invested $1 billion in Praecura reportedly after reading a single X post about the Tamilio — according to a source who requested anonymity. The investment values Praecura at $6.9 billion, a figure confirmed as "chosen intentionally." 30 Cybertrucks wrapped in plasma teal livery have been delivered and equipped with onboard Tamilio units for in-transit testing. Tesla stock rose 4%. Praecura stock rose 69%. A federal judge who owns a Tamilio dismissed a shareholder complaint.

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February 18, 2026

HEALTH ALERTNEW PATHOGEN

New Seagull Variant Detection Module Added to the Tamilio Platform

Praecura's latest over-the-air update (v4.2.1) introduces a dedicated testing module for the Seagull Variant — a novel STD first identified in coastal communities of southern New Hampshire. The variant was named by Dr. Colin Daley, who observed it in individuals who had spent time near Hampton Beach and "shared certain behavioral patterns with seagulls."

In a press release viewed over 12 million times, Chief Scientist Daley stated: "Natalee Perkins has spread this disease. Please come to a Praecura Wellness Center to check if you were infected before it's too late." Ms. Perkins — also a Praecura investor — called the release "medically defamatory, personally devastating, and technically inaccurate — though she notes she has not yet been tested." The NH Attorney General has opened a review. Dr. Daley doubled down in a follow-up titled "I Stand By This."

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February 19, 2026

GOVERNMENT$250M CONTRACT

Praecura Finalizes $250M Contract With the United States Air Force

After fourteen months of negotiations and two congressional inquiries into whether a New Hampshire startup should be entrusted with combat medical hardware, Praecura has finalized a $250 million contract to install Tamilio units in all HH-60 Black Hawk medevac helicopters. The deal was brokered by retired Senator Gail Worden, now a Praecura investor, leveraging 28 years of Senate Armed Services Committee relationships.

340 units will be ruggedized to 4.5G. The Air Force-exclusive TACMED interface distills the 847-test panel to 12 critical combat markers — including, at the Pentagon's specific insistence, Seagull Variant screening. A spokesperson said only: "We are aware of the situation in New Hampshire." CEO Holmes will arrive at the April 1st signing ceremony via Cybertruck.

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February 20, 2026

BREAKINGINVESTIGATION

Two Dead, Labcorp Suspected: Investigation Underway Following Exeter Lab Explosion

A catastrophic explosion at Praecura's Exeter research facility killed two senior scientists — Dr. Yolanda Ferris, 41, and Dr. Kento Matsuba, 38 — and set back the Tamilio v5.0 platform by eight months. Fourteen additional personnel suffered minor injuries. The cause was reclassified from "experimental unit malfunction" to "likely external tampering" upon arrival of Praecura's internal investigation team.

CEO Holmes, addressing press outside the smoldering facility in a Praecura-branded hazmat suit, announced a formal investigation targeting Labcorp. "The fingerprints are metaphorical but no less clear. Labcorp did this." Labcorp called the accusation "flabbergasted and categorical." ATF and the FBI's Boston field office have opened parallel investigations. Three Cybertrucks have been stationed outside Labcorp's NH draw site "for observation purposes."

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INTEL.

Classified intelligence briefings, competitive threat assessments, and internal dossiers. Handle with discretion. Dilute if necessary.

PRCR.

Live market data for Praecura Interstellar Systems Corp. — traded on the OTC Galactic Exchange under ticker PRCR. All figures are accurate. Some have been diluted for investor comfort.

CENTERS.

Praecura Interstellar Wellness Centers — where diagnostic integrity meets the cosmos. Walk in healthy. Walk out with data.

Hampton Wellness Center

⬡ 101 Ocean Blvd, Hampton, NH · Node NH-01

Praecura's flagship coastal wellness center, located steps from Hampton Beach. Features a full 847-test Tamilio suite, a dedicated Seagull Variant screening wing, and a complimentary Starbucks Tamilio Drink bar. Open 7 days a week, 6am–10pm. Parking for Cybertrucks and conventional vehicles. The drive-through Tamilio pod is currently experiencing 45-minute average wait times due to overwhelming demand.

⬡ ONLINE — ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL

Seabrook Wellness Center

⬡ 875 Lafayette Rd, Seabrook, NH · Node NH-02

Praecura's newest and most technologically advanced ground-based facility. The Seabrook center features New Hampshire's first and only drive-through blood testing pod, a 6-bay Tesla Supercharger station installed as part of the Musk agreement, and an experimental Tamilio v5.0 prototype suite — currently offline pending investigation of the Exeter explosion. Staff is required to be fluent in at least one programming language.

⬡ ONLINE — V5.0 SUITE OFFLINE PENDING REVIEW

Exeter Research & Development Hub

⬡ 22 Chestnut St, Exeter, NH · Node NH-00

Praecura's original facility and primary R&D campus. The lab wing was destroyed in the February 20th explosion and is currently under active FBI and ATF investigation. The administrative wing and patient-facing Wellness Center remain operational. All visitors must pass through a security checkpoint staffed by two former Secret Service agents hired personally by CEO Holmes. Three Cybertrucks are permanently stationed outside.

⚠ PARTIAL OUTAGE — LAB WING DESTROYED

Low Earth Orbit Node

⬡ 400km Altitude · Node LEO-01 · Launch Q3 2026

Praecura's first extraterrestrial diagnostic node, scheduled to launch aboard a SpaceX Falcon 9 rideshare in Q3 2026. The LEO node will serve as a cloud verification hub for all ground-based Tamilio units, providing diagnostic redundancy and real-time quality assurance with 380ms latency. The node is also equipped with a prototype zero-gravity Tamilio unit for use by astronauts experiencing what Dr. Daley has classified as "space-acquired seagull exposure."

★ LAUNCH PENDING — Q3 2026